you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
