Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
