happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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