Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
