you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
