My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
