Define "chronic" masturbator.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
