As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
