apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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