Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
