If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize