If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize