even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
