last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
