he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
