You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
