so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize