Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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