textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
