I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
