for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
