those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
