Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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