Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no, he came in my armpit
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
