Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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