Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
