I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize