can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
