I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
