I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
