Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
