i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
