New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
