I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
