here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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