once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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