In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
