I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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