One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
