Need sex. Gaining weight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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