omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
