my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
