make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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