Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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