He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
