you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
