i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
