All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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