At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
