I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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