ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
