You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize