Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
