***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
