i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will pee on everything he values.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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