2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize