I wish I could teleport
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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