2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
