I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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