it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize