You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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