1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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