if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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