this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize