So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
