Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
