I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
