bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
