So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
