I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
