im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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