respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
