I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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