HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
