I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
