Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
