We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
