They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
