Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
