can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
