Duck Duck Cougar?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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