i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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