there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
