Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My pussy is not your playground.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
