Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Floor bacon is actually really good
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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