This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
