I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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