he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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