I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
