I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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