how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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