I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
