So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
BRING THE BAGELS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
